by faith, not sight

It is incredibly difficult to operate on faith. It is hard to live by faith not by sight. My entire life was managed by and built on what can be seen and measured; my abilities, the outcomes of my actions, the data which supports one course of action over another etc. My motivation and discipline was premised on those tangible indicators.

But when your belief in the strict causation between input and outcome breaks down through ample empirical observations to the contrary and your entire life was built on that premise of causation, it feels like your life is being torn apart.

What, other than  myself and my abilities and the physics of the world can I trust in?

I know the answer in my head, but my God it is hard to actally practice! 

As much as I hate that my life is being turned upside down like this, I want to learn this new way of living. This brand new way that is unknown to the world, if not ridiculed by the world. When you can stand even at the face of the entire world’s disproval and ridicule, that is when you know you’re standing on a firm foundation. A rock, that will carry you until the end.

I wish to live by faith. I want so badly to wipe out my old ways and be ‘born again’. The mystery of God’s ways. I want to know.