How about a compliment?

Last year on a wet and cold winter evening at a wine bar, a waitress told me I was “very pretty”. Putting aside whether I am indeed “very pretty” under objective beauty standards, and the fact that it seems now to be a taboo to comment on one’s appearances even if in a positive light, I remember being very delighted to hear that compliment. Now if someone thought I was ‘very ugly’ – which is very possible; and I don’t say this in a false-humility kind of a way but just out of an appreciation for the diversity of people’s perceptions of beauty and ugliness – most people being considerate and kind wouldn’t come up to me and say it to my face. Over the years, I have increasingly refrained from complementing people on their looks. I think because I started thinking it was a form of judgement, superficiality and being vain. But reflecting on the waitress’ comment now – and I don’t know why it suddenly came to me now after months, perhaps to write this post? – makes me want to start complementing people more, even if it is about their looks. Why? Because it is nice and most people will feel really good about it. I’m only passing on my mere perception. My opinion isn’t the final judgement of anything. So I think I can give them out (so long as it is a kind one; that is, a compliment) without attaching undue weight on it. Giving compliments to people like a mist on a warm spring day. Light and pleasing. There was that time on the street where I walked past a guy with a sleeveless shirt, with amazing biceps. I should have said ‘you have amazing arms’ to acknowledge his effort in the countless bicep curls or the likes and all the protein he’d have consumed. Of course I refrained from doing that because I didn’t want him to think I was hitting on him as I certainly would have not. I was just genuinely admiring his sculpted arms as pervy as that sounds. Or that time at the harbour on one evening where I saw this middle aged women with a bright red knit on ( I can’t remember now if it was a cardigan or a knit jumper – I’m sure I would have remembered if I had complimented her; there you go, you know how this story ends – another reason to compliment! to remember). She just looked so stunning in that red knit. I think I almost complimented her but I was in the middle of a run and I ran past her too fast as I like to think (my defensive excuse for my shyness). I’m quite good at complimenting people I’m already acquainted with though. I’m good at talking to strangers too. But complimenting strangers for me is another level of social prowess. But! since it’s hard for me, it is all the more of a reason to try. Things are so much fun when you treat it like a game. I will count all the times I have the urge to compliment a stranger and then count the times I actually did end up complimenting them and see if I can improve the percentage each week. 

On a finishing note, I’d like to say: Say nice things to others while you can! The faces of those who received compliments are priceless, an absolute pleasure to witness.